It's been a rough week.
I'm still unemployed. And I'm scared. What if I'm not employable? How the hell am I going to support my kid without a job? It's not like I'm not applying, I am, all over the damn place.
Except I absolutely refuse to let this happen to me again. I won't be unemployed and newly dumped and terrified about how I'm going to support my kid. Not again, not for a third time.
And three day weekends when you're having panic attacks aren't as much fun as they'd seem.
I also had an RP date for Monday that fell through, but that was due to Real Life which comes first. Luckily, I went over to a friend's house anyway, so I didn't miss out on the fun time for the one that didn't happen.
Today, in a short amount of time, I get to go back to the doctor to look into birth control again. It's been a nice ten years not worrying about it, but I'm goddamned fertile and I don't plan to be celibate until menopause, nor do I want another baby. (I'm already at the point where babies are cute and awesome and I like giving them BACK.)
I'm scared enough that I splurged and bought a lottery ticket, yesterday. But I strongly suspect the only way out of this hole is clawing my way out of it. But that's ok, aside from the terror of not having a job. I'm not afraid of doing things under my own agency, it's the not being able to that scares me.