Thursday, May 30, 2013

Ok, Universe, throw some prosperity at me!

It's been a rough week. 

I'm still unemployed.  And I'm scared.  What if I'm not employable?  How the hell am I going to support my kid without a job?  It's not like I'm not applying, I am, all over the damn place.

Except I absolutely refuse to let this happen to me again.  I won't be unemployed and newly dumped and terrified about how I'm going to support my kid.  Not again, not for a third time.

And three day weekends when you're having panic attacks aren't as much fun as they'd seem.

I also had an RP date for Monday that fell through, but that was due to Real Life which comes first.  Luckily, I went over to a friend's house anyway, so I didn't miss out on the fun time for the one that didn't happen.

Today, in a short amount of time, I get to go back to the doctor to look into birth control again.  It's been a nice ten years not worrying about it, but I'm goddamned fertile and I don't plan to be celibate until menopause, nor do I want another baby.  (I'm already at the point where babies are cute and awesome and I like giving them BACK.)

I'm scared enough that I splurged and bought a lottery ticket, yesterday.  But I strongly suspect the only way out of this hole is clawing my way out of it.  But that's ok, aside from the terror of not having a job.  I'm not afraid of doing things under my own agency, it's the not being able to that scares me.

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